the power of ‘NO’

‘NO’ is such a powerful word. Two little letters, but it’s sound, it’s punch, it’s energizing strength is like a big exhale when it’s delivered and said out loud. It can be exhilarating and make you feel empowered, confident, owning your right to deny something that just doesn’t feel right. Think about it. When you’ve said, ‘No’ to something, how did it feel? Have you ever really thought about how much courage it takes to say it? Maybe that’s why it’s so difficult at times to let it loose. And this doesn’t mean in a combative or cruel way. Far from it. It’s about a, “Yeah, this just doesn’t work for me,” sort of way. We can agonize over having to tell someone no for a whole host of reasons. Will we disappoint them? Will they think we’re not invested? Will they think we’re lazy? Will they think we can’t be bothered? Will they think we’re not interested? Will they think we’ve got better things to do? Will they think we don’t value their ideas? Will they think we’re mean? Will they think we’re being difficult? The list goes on and on…..

The thing is, when we say, ‘Yes’ and our heart isn’t really in it, we are not being truthful to ourselves or others. We are not practicing Satya. Or, living truthfully. We are not honoring our boundaries, our time and ultimately ourselves. What can wind up happening is this instinctual brewing of resentment, feeling of settling and guilt for not doing what we know is right for us and harming our own self-worth. Ahimsa. Or, do no harm.

Now, saying yes to help out a friend or saying yes to a gig we may not love, but know we’ll learn something valuable from, is not what I’m talking about. We can always help out a friend or recognize the true value in occasional and sometimes necessary sacrifice. What I’m talking about is the habitual practice of saying, ‘Yes,’ because we feel it’s the right thing to do or, ‘we have to.’ It’s about saying yes when we feel pressured or in our nature to put others first. Because of this ingrained way of thinking and feeling, ‘No’ may feel counterintuitive and selfish. But, saying, ‘Yes’ when we really mean it and our heart is truly in it is a whole different experience. Not only do we feel good, the person on the receiving end of that, ‘Yes’ knows you are fully in it, wholeheartedly.

Bottom line - The ability to say, ‘No’ is self-care. And it can take some practice. It’s honoring ourselves, what we know is right and taking care of our own well-being, first. It’s knowing when a situation or circumstance just isn’t right for us at the present time and being OK to own that. Yes, people may be disappointed or annoyed or put-out, but that’s not your issue to deal with. Your only issue is how you feel when you say, ‘Yes’ to something and the joy and contentment it brings you. Remember, it’s your life, your time, your balance, your goals, your worth, your decisions that you have to be peaceful and fulfilled with.

much love + light,

jess

xxx